Just to quote the song.

But seriously, I stopped studying INSANELY for about a week after a speech contest that was in japanese, and now my host family tells me I have to study even HARDER than before. Which means, no fun, no computer, just study, come home from school, study, eat, study, shower, study, sleep. Then the next thing the next day.
And my host family wonders why I like sleep so much. It's not actually that I require lots of sleep to function, it that sleep is my relax/fun time.
Oh well, it so I pass the Japanese Proficiency Test in three weeks. So it's not terribly long.

I love my host family and all. But sometimes my host mom compares me to the past eight exchange students they've hosted. Specifically last year's exchange student from Hungary. She was the first Eupropean through YFU(my exchange organization) who came to Japan not knowing anything about Japanese, and to have passed level two on her JPT. So I'm always being told how fantastic she was, or some other student was. But here's the problem, I'm not them and I can't live up to how ever great they were. Constantly hearing about how wonderful they were doesn't make me want to try harder, it make me feel like I suck.
But that's just how things are. People compare even if they don't want to.

I think my host mom over estimates me, which is the worst part, I think. I want to live up to her expectations, but it really isn't easy. And know one of my really good friends is starting to get mad me because I'm not telling my host mom that I want to hang out. But the reason for that is that, I know she'll say that I can go out, but she'll really think that I should be studying. All of this because I naturally learn slower than most people.

I don't know, I'm just really frustrated. I'm not sure at what, because I love my host family, and I know that it's not their fault.

One thing I also find incredible. All my friends who knew me back in Canada. I'm sure you remember how perfectly fine I was with myself. I think it's because of my first host family, because after having spent two month with them, my confidence was completely gone. I've regained some of it, but I doubt I'm even back to half of that.
I've noticed how even I tend to criticize my every move.


Answer this honestly, and this question is from what someone I know told me. Do you think I'm ignorant? If so, how?